Day 42: Tomorrow is another day

Ml. 702- 709.7: 7.7 miles
I sleep in till 6 am. Ya that’s what I call sleeping in now. I stay in my bag though till the need to pee forces me out of it. It’s not even 7 yet and the sun in hot already. We fill our stomac with hot chocolate cause they don’t start serving breakfast till 8:30. Unfortunately the breakfast isn’t very fullfilling and the coffee tastes watery. Somehow I haven’t been served a good coffee here yet, but maybe that’s because I like mine strong. We eat together with Lone Wolf. It’s good to see him back.
After breakfast the big challenge starts though: getting my bearcan (I once again rented the Bearikade Expedition from Wild Ideas. We have some 7 to 8 days resupplies so I figured the weekender would be too small) and my extra gear/clothing (rainpants, extra puffy, mittens, microspikes, down booties) into my backpack. It’s a tight fit, a very tight fit. My backpack sure felt more comfortable without the bearcan but it is what it is.
I eat icecream for lunch and then decide I still want a veggie burger after all. I still crave salat though, and good healthy food. Maybe we shouldn’t have zeroed here I think. I’m kinda done with the masses of people who keep coming in. I’m sure they are all nice and stuff but sometimes it’s just too much. Herds of twentysomething men smoking pot, drinking beer, trying to grow a decent beard. It’s not very attractive. Ya it’s time to get going I say to Headquarters I’ve had enough!!! He agrees and in the heat of the day we leave Kennedy Meadows. It’s nice to be off trail for a day but life is still better on trail where no masses gather, where nature soothes my soul and I’m more at peace. Unfortunately my mood doesn’t get much better when we start hiking. My backpack is too heavy with 7 days of food in it and I feel the pressure on my hips. I start worrying and I feel homesick and I keep thinking I wanna go home. I’d sit on the small bridge over our little creek and let my feet hang in the water, I’d grow vegetables on our land and I’d go admire our new little nephew who was born just 2 weeks before we left. And then I think of the surgeries. A triple osteotomy… twice. Not being allowed to even sit upright for 2 months…twice. Learning to walk again… twice. I have to fight back my tears. Mostly I deal with it well, I try to think positive. Not today. I’m not always brave, not always a hero. On days like today I ask why me? And I say it’s not fair. And people telling me it could be worse can go to hell. I frikkin know I’m still alive, I’m still lucky, but a part of me has to be sad about it, has to cry over it. I need to.
We only hike 7 miles. I don’t wanna go further. I’m done for today. Enough twentysomething hikers, enough hiking, I’m tired. Good thing I know on days like these it mostly helps to wait untill tomorrow. Tomorrow always gives new perspectives, new views and my own path to walk.

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One thought on “Day 42: Tomorrow is another day

  1. The thought of your future surgeries is very disheartening, you are one tough cat so I can see you happy and strong after.
    Focus on tomorrow and the beauty of the trail, hopefully many days of hummingbird magic 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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